Procrastinators anonymous

I am into my first week of my University Degree. I might just say that again- University Degree! It is a pretty big deal for me, and seems like something someone much more grown up than I am would do.
It is also totally totally overwhelming at first. It feels a bit like having a handful of mixed up threads and not knowing quite which ones to pull first to untangle the bunch. I have found a common way of dealing with it. Procrastinating. So far today I have managed to take a long time to make a cup of coffee, look through photo albums for no particular reason, check my emails, play with the cat and sweep the floor. This despite a feeling of urgency that the next few weeks are giong to slip by and I am going to have to produce several assessment pieces.

We did have an unusual start to term though, with the wet weather in these parts causing class cancellations. It's perfect weather for curling up and reading, which actually suits my study time, as at the moment it seems like reading widely is the first step. Unfortunately reading widely is confined to articles of relevance to my course work, Not a Phryne Fisher or Miss Marple tale.

We are also cutting our Uni learning teeth on some reflective work, to get us comfortable with academic writing styles and ideas on a subject matter that we are all familiar with-ourselves.
I am comfortable with reflection, but I wasn't ready for the emotions that it has brought up for me. Perhaps that is why I found myself flicking through the photo albums today. I miss Lee. I miss him like there is a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I feel guilty that I didnt' appreciate him more, I feel angry that he was taken away from me, I feel lonely to be facing this life without him, I feel ripped off on behalf of my children. Most of all right now I think I feel like he would be saying ' Go and get back to your studies!!! NOW ' Because he knows how important they are to me, and understands I am doing this to provide for our children in the way he would have wanted.

So I will.

Blessings.